It's Friday Eve, and His Compassions are New Every Morning

The deep concentration music is not working and actually becomes annoying after awhile. I didn't play the music in order to watch the video, but is there anything more beautiful than a Monarch butterfly perched on a bed of flowers sipping nectar as if through a tiny straw? It's a wonder like so many beautiful creations in nature for us to enjoy and take in their magic. My mind is blank, perhaps a defense for overwhelmedness-- a necessary respite. Silence is not possible, perhaps not necessary. I am hearing the space heater fan and the ringing in my ears. With every breath there is the inexplicable start of tears rising up from my heart like the rumble of a storm cloud. I am sad because my brother has texted me about moving out of the country. I can't help but be sad about it. I don't want him to leave. I don't have any family but him, and even though he lives on the East Coast and I live on the Kansas plains, I can still feel close to him. What will it be like if he moves away, across an ocean, to some country I will never see? Last night I wrote about casting all my care on God, and, of course, I have to do that. This is the next day, and I guess these things unfold in stages. "Peace and quiet," my mother used to say. Did your mother used to say that? "Peace and quiet," she just wanted some peace and quiet. Was I too noisy? I'm glad tomorrow is Friday, making this Friday Eve. What makes Friday special? It's still a work day, yes, but it's Friday. Some teachers have "fun Friday." The kids are ready, the teachers are ready, everybody is ready, it's Friday already in everybody's mind. Friday is the night I get to stay up late and sleep in the next morning. The only one in the week during the school year. I'm tired, and going to sleep right now would probably happen if I were to go get ready for bed, and the tears might also be a function of tiredness. I made a cup of coffee because coffee is always a good idea, like it says on one of my mugs that I bought at Goodwill some years ago. It was like one I bought for a co-worker at Dollar Tree one year for Christmas before they raised their prices to $1.25 but didn't change the name of their store. (I have never forgiven them for that and rarely shop there anymore.) I just want to be thankful. There is so much to be thankful for. I have food and clothing and a place to live, I have some challenging children to work with at school sometimes, but also some adorable ones. I get at least a hug or so a day. There is one little kindergarten boy that touched my heart yesterday when he came up to me and said, "Could I have a hug?" Of course he could have a hug and this is something wonderful. This little guy is or has been on the mischievous side, but I've noticed lately he has become more focused, more at peace. It's something delightful to behold. I wouldn't love him any less if he stayed feisty. Sometimes you love them more. I wonder if that is not how God sees us sometimes. I mean, of course, everybody says God doesn't love us any more or any less regardless of what we try to do to make him love us more, but I am sure it matters to God how we behave, and our misbehavior surely could not draw us closer to him. And I'm going to leave that right there. Some kids change like that little boy, who seems to be maturing and becoming more pleasant to be around, and others seem to become more difficult as time goes by. It's amazing the variety and the differences among children, and I'm sure among all of us as well. But I see that, regardless of how it seems on the outside, they are all and we are all vessels through whom God pours out what it is he can or at least wants to pour out through us in this world. Ultimately, I believe, it's his love that we are trying to exhibit and share, through what we do and how we do it. Do it with love, the Bible says. "Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). We are affecting those around us all the time. We can't possibly measure the effectiveness of our interactions with people throughout the day, no matter what we do, and we know we all fall short every day. I feel very blessed to work with children and teachers. I think it's the best possible place to work. Sometimes it's rough with attitudes and you try to do the right thing, say the right thing, and feel like a complete failure, but just like with everything else you have to let it go at the end of the day, and thank God for tomorrow. The Lord's mercies are new every morning. And I turned right to it too: "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul. Therefore I hope in Him!" (Lamentations 3:22-24) I think that's all I've got for tonight, friends. I pray that you will be blessed with the sense of God's presence and his love, in Jesus' name.