Estrangement: Beginning, Middle and ... How Will it End?

Having noticed that very little has been written about estrangement and reconciliation, I was delighted to come across a book called "I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation" by Laura Davis. It was written in the wake of the 9/11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and The Pentagon, but the author had her own story of estrangement and reconciliation and the hundred or so women she interviewed had their own stories. My interest in this topic is, of course, because of my own story of estrangement. The reconciliation part has not happened, and I don't know how the story will end. If a story has a beginning, a middle and an end, I guess I would have to say I am living in the middle of the story now. It is very difficult to write the story that does not have an ending, but my brother whom I am not estranged from suggested maybe I need to write about it, and that is also a possibility. (I guess I will have to call him the "non-estranged" brother, for whom I am very grateful.) I have not yet read the book, because it only arrived in the mail today, so this writing tonight will not bear any resemblance to a book review. I have never really desired to write book reviews. However, I will tell you that, in the introduction, the author does lay out a framework which I will share with you now. In what she calls the "reconciliation continuum" she presents four possible outcomes. The first and hardest to achieve is true reconciliation where both people are restored to one another, conflict resolved, forgiveness and restoration achieved. The second, more common, outcome is one in which one person changes his or her frame of reference or expectation, whether or not the other person does. I am not sure how this would look, so I will have to read further. In the third possible outcome, people "agree to disagree" much remains unresolved, bad feelings may remain, but the people can continue to have "a limited but cordial relationship." The fourth possible outcome is not reconciliation at all, in which "no viable relationship is possible...and the only option is to find resolution within ourselves." This is a very difficult topic. I have two estrangement stories. The first one is with my late sister who died in 2018. The estrangement lasted for about three months, if I remember correctly. My heart was broken but when she finally called, the healing was instantaneous, when all she said was, "The longer I don't call, the longer I don't know what to say." I said, "I'm glad you did." And it was over. We had nothing to discuss, nothing to unravel, nothing to straighten out, and we were together again. Then for about three years she and another sibling were estranged. They never reconciled, and were unreconciled when she died. This is what I hope does not happen with the current estrangement between this other brother and myself. I do have peace about it, within myself, like the fourth outcome described by the author of this book, but I would so much rather have the first. outcome. There is still the hope, no matter how slight, that that is possible. So, currently, outcome number four is the state of the estrangement I am in the middle of. I am basically at peace with it, but I really do not desire for one of us to die before we are reconciled. I also believe that God wants people to be reconciled, and he especially wants people to be reconciled to HIM. In fact the ministry he has given us is the "ministry of reconciliation." The Old Testament estrangement and reconciliation reference I am most interested in is the story of Joseph in chapters 37-50 of Genesis, and the New Testament reference is the following: "Now all thIngs are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation" (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). It is obviously God's will for people to be reconciled to one another, and, most of all, to be reconciled to HIM. The story of Joseph is powerful. His brothers sold him into slavery, through many trials and betrayals, he ends up being an official in Egypt during a famine and his brothers have to go to him for help. They don't recognize him. He tells them to go back and return with Benjamin, the youngest brother. My favorite part is where he sees the younger brother. "Then he lifted his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother's son, and said, 'Is this your younger brother of whom you spoke to me?' And he said, 'God be gracious to you, my son. Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep. And he went into his chamber and wept there. Then he washed his face and came out; and he restrained himself, and said, 'Serve the bread'" (Genesis 43: 29-31). In Chapter 45 he reveals himself to his brothers and says the famous lines, "So now it was not you who sent me here, but God..." (Genesis 45:8). It is a story everyone should read. It is a wonderful story of reconciliation and of acknowledging the sovereignty of God. I am at peace with the situation with my estranged brother, but I am not sure he is at peace with it, or we could be in that first outcome, but there is nothing I can do about that except pray for him. I had planned to watch "Tender Mercies," with Robert Duvall, again tonight, and 10:00 p.m. has always been my movie time, and I should write more about this, but not tonight. Meanwhile, I do pray that everyone reading this is reconciled to God because that is the most important estrangement and reconciliation story. Peace to you and goodnight.