I Had a Best Friend

February 8, 2025 I had a best friend. I've had as many as two at a time, not more. The two school friends live far away and have separate lives: the one I met at the drinking fountain in third grade and the one who moved here from Laredo in sixth grade. I had one from about 1980 until she died in 2020. It wasn't Covid. She was 93. I had a second best friend when I lived in other states (Louisiana, Oklahoma and Tennessee) from about 1989 to 1995. She was also my roommate. I had two for awhile, the second one from about 2016 until she died in 2021. Two of my three best friends in adulthood have been older than me. One considerably older (18 years older), the other one 12 years older. The one I lived with for six years in three states was actually about 15 years younger. I don't know why that matters, but it is just a side note. What is a best friend, anyway? Maybe we should start there. Maybe everyone has a different idea of what a best friend is. It's a very wonderful thing to have a best friend. The best friend I met in 1980 was the best best friend I can remember, so I'll start with her. This was back when I had first come to the Lord. She had just gone through a divorce and so had I, basically. She had been a Christian for a long time, but said she had backslidden for 30 years before coming back recently. So talking on the phone every day was a feature of our friendship. It was great. I always enjoyed talking with her on the phone. In general, I like talking on the phone, anyway. I don't know why. I guess because usually there are minimal distractions, and if you're going to talk on the phone, you have to hear the other person really well, and they have to hear you. It can be kind of comforting and intimate, especially if you can talk about anything under the sun. We did things together too, of course. So, enjoying one another's company and doing things together are two characteristics of a best friend relationship. A lot of friends are not available for that because they have family or marital obligations, but still you know they are your friend. Most friends are not your best friend. They're just not. No offense, no problem, that's just the reality. We can have lots of friends we haven't ever met in person, such as Facebook friends. They are friends in the sense that you "follow" them or they "follow" you because you share certain interests or something like that. Someone you might like to actually meet in person, but the likelihood of that is slim. Everybody has their life, with or without these friends. That goes for people you work with too. You can like them and they can like you, you can smile and greet them in the hall, share an anecdote, a laugh, maybe, and go on about your business. That, of course, is my daily life at work during the school year. Some connections are warm and friendly, others are cold and distant, but it's all good. You're there because it's your job, but some work connections are actually fabulous and all of them are meaningful on some level. I am not sure how you even meet people anymore. When you're still in school, of course, you meet people that way, but when you're not in school anymore, when and where do you meet people? I know some people go to bars. I never did go to bars except when I played music in them. I went a couple of times when I first moved to Nashville, but I don't remember anywhere else I went to bars. I am not sure they are the best place to meet people anyway, but, of course, a lot of people meet up in them. So right now I don't have a best friend anymore. I miss my movie nights with Pat, I miss going to lunch on Saturday with Alice, and maybe that's why I am writing every day, I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm writing every day except I started back November 19 and I just have to write every day now. Not sure where it's going, guess it doesn't matter. It's the process that counts. There are always things to write about but sometimes they are near at hand and sometimes you sit with a blank mind for quite some time, thinking about things and nothing. I would rather not see those "care" emojis on what I'm writing when I confess things like this, but, yes, there is a certain melancholia that descends on a person who has recently lost two best friends. There is always at least a hint of that around someone who has lost someone to suicide. There is grief over estrangements, and there are benefits and liabilities to 24/7 solitude. I don't think I want to write about that right now; it seems kind of irrelevant to the topic of best friends. I suppose perhaps it might come down to being "your own best friend" or about Jesus being your best friend, but God did make us for relationship, first with him, and next with others. It's very clear that that is what we were made for. I want to maybe go see some people while the sun is still out. The library bookstore is fun to visit on a Saturday afternoon, as is God's Storehouse, the best thrift store in town with a coffee shop. It's fun. I don't usually need anything but I can't resist looking at books. I guess I am not too good at getting rid of books so that when I die someone won't have to deal with them. Sorry, whoever you are who will end up doing that. I can't afford to be obsessed about that. I'm still alive. Which reminds me, I need to go ride the bike this afternoon. When I don't have a best friend, sometimes I like to go somewhere just to be around people for awhile. I used to want to spend all my alone time painting or writing or at the piano, but now, more than anything, I just want to see people, and when I connect with someone to talk to them, that is always my favorite thing to do, I think. Just talk, share thoughts, feelings and ideas. Tomorrow night I will probably go to a Super Bowl Party, which I used to do even when I had less idea of what football was about than I do now. I just went for the "food and the fellowship." Anyway, it's something to look forward to. I also need to go buy some milk. Adios, amigos. Talk to you next time; who knows? Maybe later tonight, but for sure (Lord willing) tomorrow. Happy Super Bowl weekend!