Never Alone

I have been angry deep down for most of my life, starting with my parents' divorce. There was nothing I could do about it. What can a child do about anything? As an adult I have gained some understanding of what my mother went through with my father's infidelities. Breaks my heart every time I think about it. But at the time as a little girl, it just made no sense. My brother and I knew nothing about it until it happened. The divorce. None of it made any sense, but we kept on going and we still do. I couldn't really understand why my mother kicked my dad out, and I'm sure she had no idea what it would mean for her and for us kids. The lack of security, the broken family relationships, the visitation schedule, the insufficiency of the child support check, the government commodities (although I really did like that cheese). I had no idea what was going on, and am only figuring it out now as an adult. I do believe what some experts believe are the residual effects for children of divorce: anger, rejection, betrayal, abandonment, fear of economic lack, unwillingness or inability to trust, just to name a few. Most children of divorce get divorced themselves and so the cycle continues. I also know that my mother never stopped loving my father, even after her second marriage and having two more children and another divorce, while my dad married three more times, each time adding another "father's wife" to our changing circumstances. I only referred to the first one as my "stepmother." After that, they were just "my father's wife" or "my dad's girlfriend." In many ways my brother and I were very fortunate. We didn't have to travel across the country to see our non-custodial parent several months out of the year or fly alone on a plane to a town in another state away from my friends at home and our grandparents and who knows what else? I know that today many more kids go through much worse situations than we did. It breaks my heart, but there it is. Still, I made a lot of dumb choices as a young person and I am glad that Jesus finally came into my life, set me down, gave me peace, turned me around and changed my life, although, looking back now, later than I wish he had. So many wasted years. But knowing that he knows all things, the end from the beginning, I know that he knows what he's doing even when I don't, which is most of the time. Well, I know what I'm doing in the simplest of terms. I know that I am following Christ and not the ways of the world that practically destroyed me. I know that following Christ is the best way and the only way, and I know that I can never turn back, nor would I want to. And so, the simple life of following Christ is the only way I want to go now. The evil spiritual entities of satanic origin (demons) still want to destroy me, and still try, of course. But they are already defeated by Jesus Christ on the cross, so I have only to remember that. Christ has given me a new nature, an inner strength that is not my doing but God's doing, the power of the Holy Spirit given to me with the promise never to leave. So I am also never alone, no matter what the demons like to whisper in my ear. So, just a reminder from the Bible: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5 KJV); "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12 KJV). And finally, the reality of this verse comes through for me every time I face the villainous assaults of the enemy's efforts. "He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3 NKJV). And I know that there are many brokenhearted people in our world today. His word is true, his Spirit is real and the gospel is the hope of the ages, now and forever.