Living life on life's terms

It is December 12, 2024, and I think I was much better off before I knew "what was going on in the world." Before 1990 I was pretty free from all that, but I decided to go to graduate school, and my dad decided I should have a television. That's how all this got started. And now I wonder if I have been driven off course somehow. And now do I even remember what was going on in 1990? Does it even matter? Might I have made better use of my time studying the Bible or reading a good book or praying or doing some good deeds? I don't know. My mind keeps going back to when I used to watch CNN during my lunch when I was working at the high school, tutoring a girl from Mexico. That was in 2012. Do I remember anything about what was going on then? Not really. One thing I know is that there wasn't as much disdain for the news media as there is today. I do know that. People were starting to say, "You should stop watching the news," and many people were doing that, but I enjoyed watching the news. I still enjoy watching the news. Not the networks that I used to watch. I am pretty sure there was not so much controversy, so much drama, so much hostility, so much rage, as there is now, and there was no alternative media, or, at least, if there was, I was not aware of it. Instead of worrying about what's going on in the world, I wish I could be like the little girls in my third grade writing group, just happily creating stories, never lacking in ideas or things to write about, just drawing and writing to their heart's content. That would be heaven for me. What happens to us anyway as we lumber through this world? How is it that we get so weary and lackluster in our approach to life? I can hardly believe we are coming to the end of another year, and all that entails. Taxes and renew car tags, for me these are the main things to worry about, other than going to work. I suppose that's not a lot to worry about compared to a lot of people. Lately, well, since I have started writing these thoughts every night, I have been on my phone a lot less, and that is a GOOD thing. Somewhere I read that parents should only let their kids be on their phones (or whatever other electronic thing they're into) for two hours. TWO HOURS. Good grief. I've been trying to get down to that myself, with no success. I have gotten it down a lot, but not down that much. So, I'm here with my crackling fireplace video going in the background, not really getting going very much and thinking about a certain person I was married to and how well I know that we would not make it one day together again, and yet I still love him. I heard someone on a social media reel lately talking about that, like yesterday. It's a bit from a movie. I guess it doesn't matter who, it was an actor I recognized. Anyway,he was talking to his adult daughter about how he still loved her mother and would marry her again if she wouldn't talk so much (something like that), which reminds me of what I was writing the other day about what parents who divorce teach their children. For most of my life, I knew nothing about love, nothing about commitment, nothing about marriage, the most important lesson learned from my parents' divorce being that I knew nothing about those those things and still know nothing about them, but that is not what I came here to write about tonight. All I knew about any of that was that it had to do with having strong feelings for someone and they having strong feelings for me, but when things got weird I wanted out, and I got out and that was it. Now maybe we should not have married. We probably should not have, but the fact is that we did and in some mysterious way we are still connected. Anyway, back to the news, I'm tired of the news. I'm tired of the stress surrounding it. I'm tired of politics, I'm tired of hatred and discord, and I want to get back to living life on life's terms. That's an expression I remember from Celebrate Recovery. I don't remember who said it, but it's relevant here. There are things we are supposed to be doing that have nothing to do with geo-political events such as drones over New Jersey or presidential cabinet picks or whether we're on the brink of World War III, and I want to be doing those things. Another year is ending, and what has changed? What am I doing better or different, or what do I need to change? I know one thing I need to change. I need to not speed so much. I got pulled over yesterday morning on the way to work. I knew I deserved it, but I couldn't get my driver's license out of my billfold. Seriously, and I was telling the officer all about how I couldn't get it out because it was stiff, and he just said to me, "Do me a favor. Slow it down, okay?" We clasped hands out my car window. I said thank you and "Merry Christmas." I'm telling you people are different this time of year. And I want to be different forever. I want to change for the better and stay changed. I have experienced so much of the mercy of God I should be shouting for joy every day and singing for joy every night, but what do I do instead? I gripe and grumble and mumble and stumble and bumble along like the old rebel that I have always been, and yet I have already outlived a whole lot of my peers. I don't know why. I am grateful. God is letting me live, and every day is an adventure. It really is, if I can keep my focus in the right place. I don't have to justify my existence. I don't have to prove anything. I don't have to measure up to anything. I just have to faithfully follow Jesus as best as I can (now there's a scholarly phrase for you) as God gives me strength. So I'm going to draw this to a close. Do I have a Scripture for you? Here is something that spoke to me. I know there is a theological meaning that I cannot relate to you because I have no clue, but here is the passage, from Amos 8:11-12: "Behold, the days are coming," says the Lord GOD, "That I will send a famine on the land, Not a famine of bread, Nor a thirst for water, But of hearing the words of the LORD. They shall wanter from sea to sea, And from north to east; They shall run to and fro, seeking the word of the LORD, But shall not find it." Well, I just like to read what the Bible says. If I don't know the history of it, I listen to a tape by Chuck Smith or I ask my pastor, or I just ask the Lord what it means to me, and what it means to me right now is that the whole world is hungry for the word of God, they just don't know what it is they're hungry for, but Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). And that's what living on life's terms means to me. God bless you.