Music and Art: Loves That Don't Love You Back

I have mentioned loves that don't love back. These are not specifically referring to people, while they could be people too. But that is not the concept I want to talk about tonight. I am talking about the interests that we have that we sometimes devote our lives to. In my life these loves were art and music, and less so, writing. My mother was a painter. I was raised around her painting. It was natural for me to love art and practice art. I even took a couple of years of painting with the original intention of getting a bachelor's degree in fine art. I already had a bachelor of science degree in secondary education with a major in Spanish and a minor in French, but my one year of teaching at a junior high wiped me out. I will not dwell on that either right now. I was torn between two lovers (remember that old song?), only I guess I should say, "torn between two loves." I loved art and I loved music. I had studied painting for two years when I got the chance to play in a country band in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I decided music would win that contest. I learned a little about the art world while I was studying painting. It was not that appealing, I'll just say it that way. I remember as a child, my dad was in politics. My dad was a genuine guy as well as being brilliant and successful as a lawyer and a judge, but on the few occasions I was with him that were political events I noticed how phony people could be. Phoniness was something that I was interested in from fairly early on, at least by the seventh grade. I wrote a paper about it, and I remember resenting the teacher because all she could comment on was the way I spelled "phony." I spelled it "phoney," and the teacher commented on that. I thought, wow, is that all she has to say about what I wrote? I noticed that these grown-up people were acting very phony, schmoozing phoniness. You know children can detect that kind of thing, and I have been aware of it for a long time. Well, that's what I noticed about the art world. Snootiness is another name for it. People trying to impress other people, and that's what it was all about. So, you had artists and you had "patrons," I guess. People who bought paintings and made a lot of fuss over them. I never wanted to be a part of that. I just liked to make paintings, just like I just liked to play music. I loved the 22 months when I played music professionally. It was fun, I enjoyed it, I thought it was my life. But I discovered it wasn't my life. It was something I loved, but it wasn't my life. I discovered what my life was when I found God. When I found God, I found my life. And from then on, the art and the music were not my life. I no longer had to figure out how I could find a niche of saleable images I could market. I no longer had to be the "candy corn lady." You see, I had made some papier-mache candy corns and put them in a large plastic punch bowl, and one of my professors said, "You could be the 'candy corn lady.'" Well, that was the essence of the art world in nutshell. Find a niche and exploit it and people will decide if it is worth a lot of money. Personally, I just wanted to paint what I wanted to paint when I wanted to paint it. I still want to do that, and I don't worry about it anymore. I used to worry about it a lot. I don't worry about it anymore. I enjoy painting when I am painting, but I don't have to worry about the rest of it. Yes, I would like to get better, I would like to find a niche, I suppose, but I am just not that focused on that one thing. I went to Nashville before I found God. I learned a lot about that too. I traveled with a band for five months, it was fun, I enjoyed it, but I discovered that it was not "my life." Right now, I don't want to delve into that in depth, but just say, no, art and music are gifts and I enjoy them but they never were "my life," even when I thought they were. Your life will love you back, and that is what God does. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me" (John 14:6). He also said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:32). That is what I mean by the love that loves you back. Because God is love and life and truth and freedom, and isn't that what everyone is searching for? Monday is supposed to be music night for me, so I am going try to work on music a little bit, even though my apartment is cold and uncomfortable and I could just curl up and read. But these thoughts were on my heart and I wanted to share them with you.