See, I didn't have to quit after all!
Funny how the very day I wrote about is-quitting-the-answer, I got the voice on the phone saying, "Carolyn, can you come into my office, please?" Funny, what if I had said, "No, I can't." Yeah, right.
Ironic that I had just posted a blog about quitting a job as being the way to start "living your dream" or whatever, in the case of this one blogger, blog for a living and move to Mexico. Yeah, I'd like that. Who wouldn't? I had thought about how funny it is when you read those exhortations to "begin living the life you've imagined," although they never tell you how you're supposed to do that while you have a job, any job, especially one you're tired of. I had thought, "Oh, sure, and get fired..." and then I got laid off.
I didn't get fired, I got laid off. Yes, laid off. I don't have the guts to quit. I used to quit all the time. I don't quit any more. God has to "release" me, and besides, I wanted to be eligible for unemployment, and I guess you can't be eligible for unemployment if you quit, only if you are laid off, or even fired, I guess. But most people don't try to do that on purpose.
During the last two weeks of a quarter, most, if not all, of my home visits were completed and there was not a lot to do. I know. blogging on the job is not right. But if you want to get technical, neither is playing Solitaire on the computer, and nearly everybody, including the executive director, did that. So, I'm not receiving any condemnation. Oh, I guess it's all right for the executive director, but not for the rest of us. Funny, I didn't know we had a caste system in America, but I guess we do.
It is wrong. I admit. And I have asked God to forgive me. I know I was supposed to do my job "as unto the Lord and not as unto man," and I know I had the wrong attitude and I was bored and burnt out and I wanted to either love it or leave it and I guess God answered my prayer. In any case, now I know it was time to move on. It wasn't just me being rebellious. I really don't think so. Because if I would have loved it, I wouldn't have even been looking, and, for sure, I was looking. Even though God didn't do it the way I would have preferred it, He did it. He always does things so your faith will grow, I've noticed, not the way that seems easiest for you or me, because His ways are higher than our ways.
Sure, I would have MUCH preferred to have a job waiting for me and to have been able to give two weeks notice, but it didn't happen that way.
I talked to a lady this morning who said she felt that God did not like her, and that her son felt the same way. I could totally relate, because I have felt that way too. If you have not, well, be thankful. Obviously, it is not true that God does not like us, even though the lovely Phelpses want us to believe that God hates everybody but them.
I wasn't laid off for anything I did or did not do, apparently, and I don't know if I have a chance to work back at the agency in one of the other positions within it I applied for. We had known that someone would be gone, we just did not know who. Turned out to be me because I was the "last hired, first fired," I believe is the way people put that.
So, anyway, here's my plan for the moment, remembering that "the steps of a righteous man (or woman) are ordered by the Lord," I'm going to get my teaching license renewed, which means I still have to figure out how to take six hours of credit on no income.. A miracle would be nice, in the form of a Spanish teaching job with a provisional contract so I could get the courses taken AFTER I get the job. Chances of this happening, though, apparently, are very slim. Everyone says I should probably SUBSTITUTE. Oh, joy. Yes, substitute. Been there, done that, but, suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore. So, do it, do what you have to do, but don't forget about your dream.
I want to ask everybody I see, "What is your dream? What did you want to be when you grew up?" Are you still working on it? Or have you given up? That's what's important, I think. I really think. That's why there are so many books about "making your dream come true," or, for Christians, "fulfilling God's call on your life" or "walking in your destiny."
Anyway, that's it for today. I have a few minutes to see if I need to do something else before going out to a friend's barbecue and forgetting about "work" until Tuesday. I think there is something to be said about partying once in awhile. I think God's OK with it. I really do.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference,
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it isn not as I would have it,
trusting that if I surrender to Your will you will make all things right so that I might be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy forever with You in the next."
That should be pretty close to how Rienhold Niebuhr wrote it and how we say it at Celebrate Recovery.
I especially like the part about "enjoying one moment at a time." Don't always do that, do we? Especially when we're bored and burnt out on a job, but hey, if God is sovereign, and I believe He is, then we can still move with confidence that He is working on our behalf in this as in everything, even if we mess up, and also I think I'll let Him decide how much I messed up and how much He wants to bless me, which, according to the Word, is a lot. I've only got 15 minutes to write at the library computer and I'm going to a party instead of to do serious job seeking on my laptop with the free Wi-Fi, so I'll catch up with you later.
Blessings and have a great Fourth of July!!!
Ironic that I had just posted a blog about quitting a job as being the way to start "living your dream" or whatever, in the case of this one blogger, blog for a living and move to Mexico. Yeah, I'd like that. Who wouldn't? I had thought about how funny it is when you read those exhortations to "begin living the life you've imagined," although they never tell you how you're supposed to do that while you have a job, any job, especially one you're tired of. I had thought, "Oh, sure, and get fired..." and then I got laid off.
I didn't get fired, I got laid off. Yes, laid off. I don't have the guts to quit. I used to quit all the time. I don't quit any more. God has to "release" me, and besides, I wanted to be eligible for unemployment, and I guess you can't be eligible for unemployment if you quit, only if you are laid off, or even fired, I guess. But most people don't try to do that on purpose.
During the last two weeks of a quarter, most, if not all, of my home visits were completed and there was not a lot to do. I know. blogging on the job is not right. But if you want to get technical, neither is playing Solitaire on the computer, and nearly everybody, including the executive director, did that. So, I'm not receiving any condemnation. Oh, I guess it's all right for the executive director, but not for the rest of us. Funny, I didn't know we had a caste system in America, but I guess we do.
It is wrong. I admit. And I have asked God to forgive me. I know I was supposed to do my job "as unto the Lord and not as unto man," and I know I had the wrong attitude and I was bored and burnt out and I wanted to either love it or leave it and I guess God answered my prayer. In any case, now I know it was time to move on. It wasn't just me being rebellious. I really don't think so. Because if I would have loved it, I wouldn't have even been looking, and, for sure, I was looking. Even though God didn't do it the way I would have preferred it, He did it. He always does things so your faith will grow, I've noticed, not the way that seems easiest for you or me, because His ways are higher than our ways.
Sure, I would have MUCH preferred to have a job waiting for me and to have been able to give two weeks notice, but it didn't happen that way.
I talked to a lady this morning who said she felt that God did not like her, and that her son felt the same way. I could totally relate, because I have felt that way too. If you have not, well, be thankful. Obviously, it is not true that God does not like us, even though the lovely Phelpses want us to believe that God hates everybody but them.
I wasn't laid off for anything I did or did not do, apparently, and I don't know if I have a chance to work back at the agency in one of the other positions within it I applied for. We had known that someone would be gone, we just did not know who. Turned out to be me because I was the "last hired, first fired," I believe is the way people put that.
So, anyway, here's my plan for the moment, remembering that "the steps of a righteous man (or woman) are ordered by the Lord," I'm going to get my teaching license renewed, which means I still have to figure out how to take six hours of credit on no income.. A miracle would be nice, in the form of a Spanish teaching job with a provisional contract so I could get the courses taken AFTER I get the job. Chances of this happening, though, apparently, are very slim. Everyone says I should probably SUBSTITUTE. Oh, joy. Yes, substitute. Been there, done that, but, suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore. So, do it, do what you have to do, but don't forget about your dream.
I want to ask everybody I see, "What is your dream? What did you want to be when you grew up?" Are you still working on it? Or have you given up? That's what's important, I think. I really think. That's why there are so many books about "making your dream come true," or, for Christians, "fulfilling God's call on your life" or "walking in your destiny."
Anyway, that's it for today. I have a few minutes to see if I need to do something else before going out to a friend's barbecue and forgetting about "work" until Tuesday. I think there is something to be said about partying once in awhile. I think God's OK with it. I really do.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference,
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it isn not as I would have it,
trusting that if I surrender to Your will you will make all things right so that I might be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy forever with You in the next."
That should be pretty close to how Rienhold Niebuhr wrote it and how we say it at Celebrate Recovery.
I especially like the part about "enjoying one moment at a time." Don't always do that, do we? Especially when we're bored and burnt out on a job, but hey, if God is sovereign, and I believe He is, then we can still move with confidence that He is working on our behalf in this as in everything, even if we mess up, and also I think I'll let Him decide how much I messed up and how much He wants to bless me, which, according to the Word, is a lot. I've only got 15 minutes to write at the library computer and I'm going to a party instead of to do serious job seeking on my laptop with the free Wi-Fi, so I'll catch up with you later.
Blessings and have a great Fourth of July!!!
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