What's In Your Heart?

Anne Lamott is my favorite writer. I have never read any of her fiction, which, I assume, is how she became published and successful. The first book of hers I read was "Traveling Mercies." I am still reading "Bird by Bird," of which I own two, one hardcover and one paperback). She is my favorite author because of the way she writes, and the way she speaks. I love her voice. I don't mean the tone of her voice. I mean the way she expresses herself. "Traveling Mercies" is about her faith journey, and I think the trend is whenever she comes out with a new book, it is also about faith. She wrote one called "Help, Thanks, Wow," which she describes as her three basic prayers. I don't remember if I finished the book. I think I did. At the library the other day I saw one entitled "Love." I don't know if it had a subtitle or not. I got drawn into the new book about Mark Twain by Ron Chernow. "Mark Twain" by Ron Chernow was published in 2025, and the library only has one copy to check out now and only for 14 days. I could put it on hold, but I hate to do that, so I went ahead and ordered it from Thriftbooks. I don't want to have to take it back to the library and renew it, and it's too long for me to read in three weeks or six weeks or even nine weeks, as slow as I read. I wanted to give one to a certain person for Christmas, so I might need to get another copy later. I started this writing journey November 19 of last year (2024) inspired by Anne Lamott, and I am returning to Anne Lamott approximately seven months later. Why do you suppose it has taken me so long to refer to her again, and why is it taking me so long to get through "Bird by Bird?" I love "Bird by Bird." I've started it at least three times and get a little further each time. Why is it so difficult for me to read this book through? I think it's simply because she is talking about writing fiction. The first six chapters didn't seem to be that focused on fiction. She was just talking about writing, about how her father was a writer, and how she came up with the title, but then she starts focusing on fiction. You see, I have something inside me that seems to have died, and I don't know whether to bury it or keep trying to give it artificial respiration, aka cardiovascular resuscitation--chest compressions (get the picture?). I wrote fiction naturally as a child and as an adult for a six week course in creative writing in 1998 or 1999. Since then I have only written news and feature stories if I have written at all, and now stories simply don't come anymore. I will keep reading "Bird by Bird." I have read four chapters on writing fiction and am starting the fifth (sigh). I just sighed. I don't know what to make of it. Something came up in a poem I wrote that said something to the effect of "There are books in (your heart) you haven't read yet." So, based on those words, assuming they are valid or something I should listen to, are telling me there is still something there to write about. I don't know, though, if it's fiction or not. Or what it is, or if it's nothing. So, you see this dilemma. Perhaps you have experienced something similar, or perhaps you know someone who has experienced something similar, or maybe even is experiencing it now, as I am. The truth is that every time I look deep into my heart I feel sad, and there's only so much sadness I can willingly endure, if you know what I mean. I don't have any answers, other than to keep on, to continue the journey. If you are a writer, you are a writer, and you probably cannot stop being a writer. That's just my opinion. I believe there are writers and there are non-writers. Non-writers do other things. Writers write. Therefore, it is not okay to tell yourself you are not a writer because you are going through a desert or a tunnel or you are stuck in a cave or you are trying to run it off in different directions. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense to me. It's not an answer, perhaps. Obviously, it is more of a question. I am a writer, and I am also a Christian. I have always been a writer, but I have not always been a Christian. I know that doesn't mean that everything I write has to be about religion. Neither does it mean that nothing I write should be about religion. No matter what you write about, I think the main thing we are after is honesty and authenticity, and that's what I am striving for. Yes, I want everyone to follow Jesus, because I know that is where the life is. I also know that I still have questions and I still have to seek for answers. I am blessed with the presence of the Holy Spirit with me and in me at all times, but I don't spend my entire day studying the Bible. I read other books. I struggle with certain sections of the Bible and don't always know where to go on a daily basis. I used to read the Bible through every year. Then I only read the New Testament through every year, then I started reading a proverb a day and the psalms on Sunday, reading other things sporadically or randomly, or when I had particular ideas pop into my head, and I would look up where Jesus spoke about that, or where that topic might be in the Bible. That's what I still do, basically. I just read a cool verse in Proverbs 27. "As in water face reflects face, So a man's heart reveals the man" (Proverbs 27:19). Paul writes about a veil that is taken away when one turns to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:16). "Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror, the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord" (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). Later, Paul speaks of looking into a mirror again. "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known" (1 Corinthians 13:12). "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13). We know everyone does not hold the same view about the meaning of all three of these words, but whether we write fiction or non-fiction, or anything else, I say this is still the best guide to whatever you do, including whatever you write. Until next time, compadres.