What Was She Thinking?

There's not a day I don't think about my late little sister and wonder why she chose to do what she did. Why do people do this? I have my own ideas about it but none of them explain why she did what she did. People don't like to talk about his topic. Today I notice in social media even the topic of death or dying in any form has letters deleted out of it and a new vocabulary has been invented, using such words as "unalive" which I take to mean something you do to someone else or something you do to yourself but in either case there seem to be unwritten rules about what letters you must leave out if you post about it online. These rules also apply to the mention of other violent crimes. There is a cult of silence around the passing of family members sometimes. They're gone but no one is talking about what happened to them. We should be talking about it. That's what I believe about it. Does not talking about it make it easier on the relatives that had no idea what was going on with the person? No, it does not. I find in families where divorces have taken place and many step or half relatives develop, this is especially prevalent. I am not surprised. All we can think is we were friends but now what? Why? Because fractured relationships lead to more fractured relationships that lead to separation and isolation. I am not saying this is scientific, I'm just saying it is logical. It makes perfect sense. It doesn't need statistical data to mention a completely sensible explanation that a child could comprehend. "She doesn't want to play with me." "Find someone else to play with." "He hit me." "Did you tell him you didn't like for him to hit you?" "No." "Well, go tell him." "Okay." Children don't need statistical data to take simple directions from adults, so why can't adults make healthy choices for themselves? They choose their path. They spend their lifetime choosing the path that takes them to that tragic end that destroys them and hurts everyone who loved them, who loves them still and aches for them. Why didn't she call me? She chose instead to avoid me. I wondered for a time around that month she decided to end her life that something was going on. Another breakdown, perhaps, and then the call. She had passed away. What? Did I hear you right? That's impossible. That can't be. She wouldn't do that. But how long had it been since I had spoken to her? My choice? No, not my choice. If I called, she didn't answer, I would talk to my brother in-law and the understanding was that she was not having a good day or she wasn't up to it or this or that. They choose to do what they do. We all do. I don't care to read dry psychological studies or literature reviews. Instead, I'll just talk about what I sense about what things lead to this choice. I think isolation is very unhealthy, and it's obviously something I can do nothing about now, except suggest to anyone reading this, if you are having thoughts about ending your life, just don't. Call someone up and talk to them. You might even call your sister or your brother. What was she thinking? Was she thinking how much it would hurt all of us? Obviously not. Was she thinking at all? She thought she was a burden. I have read that this is common. If I ever made her think she was a burden to me, she never mentioned it. What was she thinking? She probably was not, and that's about all that I can conclude, and seven years she's been gone, and I still ask myself that same dumb question.