Why is Death a Taboo Topic?
Since birth and death are the two experiences shared by every human being who ever existed, why is death a taboo topic in our culture? Since there is a one-to-oe correspondence between birth and death, how is it that nobody wants to talk about it or read about it?
Do talk show hosts talk about death? Do radio and television evangelists talk about death? Does anybody talk about death? I suspect that the only people talking about death are those whose loved ones are dying, and finding someone to talk to about it is difficult. Sometimes even siblings don't want to talk about the obviously approaching death of a parent -- or both parents, in my case.
Instead of talking about the dying person's death, one may be rather more willing to talk about the notion that the ailing person is better today than yesterday perhaps, or talk about whether they appeared "comfortable" or not the last time he or she saw them. Instead of facing the inevitability and trying to prepare for the loved one's death, some people whose loved ones are dying appear to continue to hold on to the unlikely possiblity that the person will stay here indefinitely, lingering on and on in such a terrible state.
Perhaps surviving family members are just putting off the inevitable adjustment to the fact of the inevitable death of that person until the time it occurs. Dealing with the present reality is probably more than enough in most cases. And perhaps one really can't prepare for a loved one's death at all. Maybe that is only an illusion of control.
"Let's not be negative. Let's not lose hope. She's pulled through before," we have all said to each other, trying to will things to be different than they are somehow.
Having looked up end of life issues and end of life signs on the Internet, I find that people often become difficult to deal with when they are dying. Nothing at all like in the movies, where everyone is sitting around the bed side holding the person's hand as they say their last words, weighty with significance, before they expire gracefully with a turn of the head to their good side.
There are many things people should be informed about in this life and aren't, I am finding out. One of them is how our bodies work and how to keep them healthy and the other is how we die. I am glad Sherwin Nuland wrote the book, How We Die. It has been helpful to me, just to think of different death experiences as being as individual as different lives, and the simple fact that the body parts get old and fail.
Because of incomprehensible confidentiality issues or just plain neglect on the part of my mother's doctor, I am fairly ignorant of what has been going on with her medically, other than that she's had strokes. I have had to do any research entirely on my own. Her doctor has never been forthcoming with information or insight, even if I could get hold of her. I guess she's just too busy with other people dying all around her to bother to communicate with me. Even my brother, who has been living with Mom for nearly 10 years, has trouble getting through to her. It ought to be against the law, but, of course, it is not.
The observable facts are that she has lost control of all her bodily functions, can't walk, can't speak very well, and can't swallow. She has now had a feeding tube inserted into her stomach. She may or may not be ready to die. I hope she is.
Obviously, everybody dies. We all will. As a believer this is just one more of life's trials to trust God with. It seems harder trusting Him with the death of loved ones, particularly ones about whom we're not sure if they have really settled their account with Jesus. I have written about this elsewhere -- on Faithwriters.com, in an article called "When a Loved One is Dying," copied in below.
For now, I still wonder everytime I go see her, how she will be? Will she be awake or asleep? Will she be happy to see me? Will she let me touch her? Will she say something hurting or will she be in a loving mood? Will it be a good day or a bad day? Will she seem angry or submissive? Will she say, "I love you," when I tell her I love her? Or will she stare at me with a straight line for a mouth? I pray to be able to comfort her somehow but I also seek comfort for myself. Will I see her again on "the other side," as she likes to refer to what happens after death.
Has she really been born again? That's the only relevant question now for any dying person. For any living person too, really. Born again to live forever with Christ, sharing in His fellowship and His love. Otherwise, I guess I should really start saying goodbye because I don't believe I'll even know she's not there if she doesn't make it because there will be no sorrow in heaven.
That's all for now. Now, the article I referred to earlier:
"When a Loved One is Dying" by Carolyn Cogswell, published on Faithwriters.com
Letting a loved one go is hard enough, but if you don't know for sure where they're going when they die, that makes it even worse.
My mother has said she was not ready to see Jesus, but she has said she is at peace with Jesus. She has also said she does not want to die. She has said she does not want me to pray for her and she does not want me to read the Bible to her, but she has said she has "always believed."
She has been touched by my singing a hymn, but now she will not let me hold her hand or hug her. I asked God to bring her back for a little while but it does not appear as though He is going to grant my request. However, I must keep believing His promises, and believe that He hears and answers prayers. Not the way we want Him to sometimes. But it's His business.
The Bible tells us death is the final enemy that Jesus came to defeat. Why, then, are we so dismayed when it comes to a loved one?
Could it be because we are not ready to let our loved ones go? It has been said that if one is prepared to die, one is prepared to live. This has the ring of truth, for sure. Our own death we can handle, perhaps. But how can we be ready for the death of a loved one?
In the strictest sense, yes, one is ready to die, having believed in Christ and been born again. But is one ready for the process of dying? For one's self, this may not be at issue. Believers may know they can trust God with their own death as well as they can trust Him with life and therefore have no fear. But what about readiness for loved ones to die?
It is difficult seeing a loved one decline and face death, particularly if one is not sure if that person is really at peace with God. How can one know about the spiritual status of another? Sometimes dying people become disoriented or confused, and it is hard to know what they understand and what they do not. At that point, there is only one option for the believer in Jesus. That is to trust Him and His wisdom.
Jesus said when a person repented and believed they would be with him forever. But what if the person did not follow the Lord closely thereafter? What if they seemed confused and actually denied the Lord in later life? What if the worst case scenario is a possibility? What if your loved one has chosen to reject Christ? There are perhaps as many variations on that theme as there are individuals on earth. But, ultimately, every person has had many chances to choose Christ in the time God has given them on earth. If your loved one has repented, you must choose what to believe about it and leave the rest with God. We cannot save anyone. We can only love them and pray for them.
God has graciously allowed me to have good times and fellowship with Mom and yet I still am not sure. Grief sometimes comes in deep groanings and weeping but then God assures me all is well. In the end, He is all we have anyway, and I am only responsible for one soul: my own. The rest I have to release to God. Be encouraged, if you are losing a loved one. Know that God loves him or her more than you do and that He is completely merciful, just and true to His word.
Remember now, as always, to keep your mind fixed on Him. He is handling everything. Death grieves Him also. Jesus wept at the gravesite of Lazarus and He weeps with us at the loss of our loved ones. Rejoice always in the Lord. He is faithful even when we are not. Hold to the many truths of the Bible, but most of all, hold to Him. He will not leave you or forsake you. He is all wise, the Mighty Counselor and the Prince of Peace. Hold onto Him. Or, if you can't do that, let Him hold you, and release your loved one to Him.
Do talk show hosts talk about death? Do radio and television evangelists talk about death? Does anybody talk about death? I suspect that the only people talking about death are those whose loved ones are dying, and finding someone to talk to about it is difficult. Sometimes even siblings don't want to talk about the obviously approaching death of a parent -- or both parents, in my case.
Instead of talking about the dying person's death, one may be rather more willing to talk about the notion that the ailing person is better today than yesterday perhaps, or talk about whether they appeared "comfortable" or not the last time he or she saw them. Instead of facing the inevitability and trying to prepare for the loved one's death, some people whose loved ones are dying appear to continue to hold on to the unlikely possiblity that the person will stay here indefinitely, lingering on and on in such a terrible state.
Perhaps surviving family members are just putting off the inevitable adjustment to the fact of the inevitable death of that person until the time it occurs. Dealing with the present reality is probably more than enough in most cases. And perhaps one really can't prepare for a loved one's death at all. Maybe that is only an illusion of control.
"Let's not be negative. Let's not lose hope. She's pulled through before," we have all said to each other, trying to will things to be different than they are somehow.
Having looked up end of life issues and end of life signs on the Internet, I find that people often become difficult to deal with when they are dying. Nothing at all like in the movies, where everyone is sitting around the bed side holding the person's hand as they say their last words, weighty with significance, before they expire gracefully with a turn of the head to their good side.
There are many things people should be informed about in this life and aren't, I am finding out. One of them is how our bodies work and how to keep them healthy and the other is how we die. I am glad Sherwin Nuland wrote the book, How We Die. It has been helpful to me, just to think of different death experiences as being as individual as different lives, and the simple fact that the body parts get old and fail.
Because of incomprehensible confidentiality issues or just plain neglect on the part of my mother's doctor, I am fairly ignorant of what has been going on with her medically, other than that she's had strokes. I have had to do any research entirely on my own. Her doctor has never been forthcoming with information or insight, even if I could get hold of her. I guess she's just too busy with other people dying all around her to bother to communicate with me. Even my brother, who has been living with Mom for nearly 10 years, has trouble getting through to her. It ought to be against the law, but, of course, it is not.
The observable facts are that she has lost control of all her bodily functions, can't walk, can't speak very well, and can't swallow. She has now had a feeding tube inserted into her stomach. She may or may not be ready to die. I hope she is.
Obviously, everybody dies. We all will. As a believer this is just one more of life's trials to trust God with. It seems harder trusting Him with the death of loved ones, particularly ones about whom we're not sure if they have really settled their account with Jesus. I have written about this elsewhere -- on Faithwriters.com, in an article called "When a Loved One is Dying," copied in below.
For now, I still wonder everytime I go see her, how she will be? Will she be awake or asleep? Will she be happy to see me? Will she let me touch her? Will she say something hurting or will she be in a loving mood? Will it be a good day or a bad day? Will she seem angry or submissive? Will she say, "I love you," when I tell her I love her? Or will she stare at me with a straight line for a mouth? I pray to be able to comfort her somehow but I also seek comfort for myself. Will I see her again on "the other side," as she likes to refer to what happens after death.
Has she really been born again? That's the only relevant question now for any dying person. For any living person too, really. Born again to live forever with Christ, sharing in His fellowship and His love. Otherwise, I guess I should really start saying goodbye because I don't believe I'll even know she's not there if she doesn't make it because there will be no sorrow in heaven.
That's all for now. Now, the article I referred to earlier:
"When a Loved One is Dying" by Carolyn Cogswell, published on Faithwriters.com
Letting a loved one go is hard enough, but if you don't know for sure where they're going when they die, that makes it even worse.
My mother has said she was not ready to see Jesus, but she has said she is at peace with Jesus. She has also said she does not want to die. She has said she does not want me to pray for her and she does not want me to read the Bible to her, but she has said she has "always believed."
She has been touched by my singing a hymn, but now she will not let me hold her hand or hug her. I asked God to bring her back for a little while but it does not appear as though He is going to grant my request. However, I must keep believing His promises, and believe that He hears and answers prayers. Not the way we want Him to sometimes. But it's His business.
The Bible tells us death is the final enemy that Jesus came to defeat. Why, then, are we so dismayed when it comes to a loved one?
Could it be because we are not ready to let our loved ones go? It has been said that if one is prepared to die, one is prepared to live. This has the ring of truth, for sure. Our own death we can handle, perhaps. But how can we be ready for the death of a loved one?
In the strictest sense, yes, one is ready to die, having believed in Christ and been born again. But is one ready for the process of dying? For one's self, this may not be at issue. Believers may know they can trust God with their own death as well as they can trust Him with life and therefore have no fear. But what about readiness for loved ones to die?
It is difficult seeing a loved one decline and face death, particularly if one is not sure if that person is really at peace with God. How can one know about the spiritual status of another? Sometimes dying people become disoriented or confused, and it is hard to know what they understand and what they do not. At that point, there is only one option for the believer in Jesus. That is to trust Him and His wisdom.
Jesus said when a person repented and believed they would be with him forever. But what if the person did not follow the Lord closely thereafter? What if they seemed confused and actually denied the Lord in later life? What if the worst case scenario is a possibility? What if your loved one has chosen to reject Christ? There are perhaps as many variations on that theme as there are individuals on earth. But, ultimately, every person has had many chances to choose Christ in the time God has given them on earth. If your loved one has repented, you must choose what to believe about it and leave the rest with God. We cannot save anyone. We can only love them and pray for them.
God has graciously allowed me to have good times and fellowship with Mom and yet I still am not sure. Grief sometimes comes in deep groanings and weeping but then God assures me all is well. In the end, He is all we have anyway, and I am only responsible for one soul: my own. The rest I have to release to God. Be encouraged, if you are losing a loved one. Know that God loves him or her more than you do and that He is completely merciful, just and true to His word.
Remember now, as always, to keep your mind fixed on Him. He is handling everything. Death grieves Him also. Jesus wept at the gravesite of Lazarus and He weeps with us at the loss of our loved ones. Rejoice always in the Lord. He is faithful even when we are not. Hold to the many truths of the Bible, but most of all, hold to Him. He will not leave you or forsake you. He is all wise, the Mighty Counselor and the Prince of Peace. Hold onto Him. Or, if you can't do that, let Him hold you, and release your loved one to Him.
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