Too Dark, Too Early, Too Long

I used to have writing groups with my tutor job, and when kids would say, "I'm thinking," I'd reply, "Well, sometimes you just need to start writing." So, at this moment, I am "thinking." It's the end of the day and I don't have anything to say. I am feeling a little tired and a lot uninspired, it's the end of the weekend and I just need to go to bed. Makes me think of that old song, "Show me the way to go home; I'm tired, and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head." It's an old song from the Greatest Generation, most of whom have already gone on to their eternal reward. Now the Boomers are the older generation. It's been a long, hard lesson to realize that I'm older than practically everyone with whom I have to do. I'm not complaining; I'm glad, actually. Most people don't think of me as being as old as I am. My voice still sounds young, for one thing, and I'm still recognizable at my high school reunions. I remember almost 30 years ago I had somehow connected with someone from another country and we were flirting with each other over the phone, until he found out how old I was, and I never heard from him again. I guess that is one way to stay out of trouble. I am just tired of the world we are living in now. It's changed so much in ways that really are not any better than they were before the age of smart phones and the Internet. I am tired of everything being "online." Used to be you could call people up on the phone and ask them questions. Now, they have a recording that tells you to log onto this or that. I don't want to do that all the time. This world has isolated all of us. We have become hermits and loners and "content creators"--or "digital creators." Everybody has to have a "brand," and "followers" and create a world of imagination for people to find "online." Only this requires everyone to get behind a computer screen and live inside their head and hopefully connect with others out there "on the web." I'm starting to yawn now. I am grateful for so many things. I am grateful for my job. There is no use complaining that I can't retire. Because of the life I led, I didn't stay at one job for 30 years or perhaps I would be able to retire. But I didn't do that. I didn't go into life looking for a way to make enough money to retire. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. I taught for a year, then ran wild for a decade or so, played music, went to graduate school, taught college, did journalism, then substitute teaching and now liteacy tutor for 10 years. I will work until I cannot work any more, and I have only one option, and that is to trust God to take care of me, because he does promise that. You cannot have two masters, Jesus said in Matthew chapter 6. "No one can serve two masters, either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon" (Matthew 6:24), and "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33). In between those verses, Jesus speaks of all the things we worry about and all the things he promises to provide if we choose too serve God. This refers primarily to food and clothing, which later on the Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 6:8, we are to be content with that. So, ever since I decided to follow Jesus in 1979, I have been of the mindset that God would take care of me if I would seek him and his righteousness, which I have endeavored to do. The rest is for me to trust him and do my best to live in obedience to his word. I do believe in heaven and hell, the Bible is very clear about these things, and the Great Commission is still the responsibility of everyone who names the name of Christ as their Savior, to preach the gospel to everyone. I am more a worker bee in the Kingdom, rather than a preacher, if that is a fair metaphor, not exactly biblical, I know, but I serve in music ministry, and have not become a "sought-after speaker" or a best-selling author. I just am where I am and hope to do some good there. And now, I'm going to retire, as in get ready for bed, because that is the only retirement I can envision for myself at this point in time. I rejoice that the world is finally coming out from under an extremely cold spell and it has been miserable. I actually went outside and walked for 10 minutes just to be outside. It's been a long time since I wanted to walk anywhere at all but simply had to, and I am glad Daylight Saving Time is coming up soon. I hope, if they are going to get rid of DST or Standard Time, I hope they get rid of Standard Time. It's too dark, too early, for too long. I have nothing clever to add to that. Goodnight.